Hard Week

This last week has been really tough. Every time that I talk to my friend, it seems either I offend her or she offends me. I'm struggling with my leaders at church, they seem to not understand me and seem to require of me a standard I cannot reach. It's so tough and discouraging sometimes.

I had a really hard day on Saturday and then spent most of Sunday morning crying, which is unusual for me. Guess I just felt overwhelmed by it all.

I wish I could fix things. I wish I could help my family, I wish I could help my friends, I wish I could change things at church, yet it always seems to not work as I anticipate.

I heard Matt Chandler once preach that 'everything a man tries to cultivate will war against him'. That has been so true this year. Everything I have put my hand to, to try to care for and cultivate has just not gone the way I believed it should.

I was reflecting, especially on what Brendan told me. It is better now to be going through all this pain when i'm 29, than when i'm 59. I couldn't imagine how much sorrow and heart ache, stuffing up at 59 and destroying your family, ministry and life would be. 


On a side note, I really dislike sms. So much is lost in words without body language and tone and expression. I was really offended by a couple of people's texts in the last couple of days, and when I reread the conversations a couple days later I kick myself because I think 'perhaps that's not what they meant'. Yet I can't tell.

How does one remain faithful to what God has called him to do, when everything is going wrong? Do not grow weary of doing good, for in due time, you will reap the reward if you don't give up.

God please help me.