Starting Over

I remember this time last year. Our church camp had just past and I had preached for the first time and had done an amazing job. God’s presence was there and as a church we had our best camp. I felt like I was on top of the world. Church and ministry was going great, I was progressing in my career and I had a girl that I was interested in and it was looking like something good was going to happen.

I also remember at that time feeling pretty smug. One of my friends who was my leader was taking a break as he was working on some issues and I remember feeling proud and looking down on him. I would never have voiced it, but I thought that I was better than him in so many ways. Proverbs 16:18 says ‘Pride goes before destruction’ and although I had taught numerous times on humility I took no head of the word of God or my own words.

It is now a year later. I have been stepped down from leadership and I am back to square one in ministry. I went out with the girl and I broke both her heart and mine. I have lost the respect of my bosses and people that I use to lead at church and some have started to look down at me. All I ever built my identity on has been stripped away. I am a broken man.

So what is this blog about? During church camp last month a person gave me a word saying that God is going to restore you, to rebuild you and make you new. Part of my heart believes it and part of me is so scared about making more mistakes, yet I’m going to trust, I’m going to put my hope in Him. This blog is about a journey; an honest look at my heart, at my failures, at where I really am at and how God is restoring all things.

Why would I reveal the deepest things of my heart on a blog? I guess part of me wants those I care for most, to know my heart, yet another part of me finds solace in sharing my burdens, to be able to speak them out.

~ As broken bones heal stronger, so do broken men ~ Mark Driscoll.