~ Peace ~

Today's a strange day for me. I have a lot of peace in my heart and I'm not worried or anxious. It's strange because the girl I like told me that she needs time to think, pray and seek God and for the first time, perhaps in my life, it didn't hurt, I wasn't worried and I have peace.

I think I have peace, not because I don't like her, or I am just giving up. I have peace because I think my heart is trusting God. I know that God has a good plan, I know that God has a good wife for me, I know that I am and I will continue to grow into being a Godly man and an excellent husband.

So why do I write this, I guess I want to give thanks to God for taking away the fear that has gripped my heart so often. I want to give thanks for the good things that God is doing in both my life and my friends.

So what do I do now? I don't just wait... because 'just waiting' isn't what God wants. I enjoy this time, I enjoy being single and being able to give more time to church and God than if I was married, and I pray, and I wait patiently on God's timing.

Ecclesiastes 3:11 'God makes all things beautiful in His time'

~ Story Of Us ~

I just finished watching this old movie called 'the story of us' with Bruce Willis & Michelle Pfeiffer and I really like this as a love story. It's so much different then the usual that you watch. (mind you there are a bit of course language and one conversation that is a bit awkward) But it looks at what happens when a relationship breaks down and how these two people come to the end. But make it through.

I am not full of disillusion and I am not dreaming or holding onto the idea that things will magically get better like the movie. But I think in my heart, that I want to have this heart that fights through that doesn't give up, that loves at the best and at the worse. That believes all things, hopes all things. To have a heart where love never fails.

I went to a Bible study at my friends church this week and it was really refreshing. I haven't been to a bible study that was that refreshing in a long time. Not to say that the ones at my church are not good, just that this one touched my heart. I think I was so desperate to hear from God.

The guy sharing looked at the verse of that eyes are the light to the soul. That our eyes must focus on God in order that the whole body be in light.

I think that's what has been so wrong in the last 6 months. I was so busy trying to get people to approve of me, that I forgot about what God thought of me, and I broke the heart of those I should have place before the approval of others.

What happens now? I have no idea. I trust that God has a plan and purpose for my life. That he will bring me a good wife, not because I deserve it, but that at the centre of my heart. I know I love God. I know God can and will use my life. I know I will make an excellent husband.

I don't know why, but in the last couple of weeks, so many people have showed up in my life, just encouraging me and praying for me. All of them pointing me back to God.

I'm hurting so much right now, but yet something is making me hopeful of the future. Something is helping to believe that the visions, hopes and dreams that God has given to me in the past, will come to pass. Be led by his word, be led by his spirit, trust him with all my heart, and stop leaning on my own understanding.

God please give me clarity, give me wisdom, give me strength.

Amen.

Working through heart issues~

How do you know when God has told you to move on?

Whether it is in a job, church, friendship or something else. How does your heart say to you, now is the time to take the next step.

Is there an audible voice from heaven? Do things just magically fall into place? Do the people around you start to speak certain words.

It has been really strange. In the past couple of weeks, a lot of people have been advising me on moving. Ranging from pastors, to close friends to parents. Part of me is so excited about the possibility of a fresh start and part of me is semi petrified about starting over.

It is strange. I don't have any bitterness and I don't want to hurt anyone, but I often wonder how these things can change or end without people getting hurt. How can something end that you have so much familiarity and love for without someone getting hurt?

I'm uncertain what will happen to my friendships. I'm uncertain about the ones, especially those that I hold really dear to my heart. Will they leave, will they follow, will they ostracize me?

 God, please help me in this time, to make good decisions. Please help me not to be led by my own will, arrogance or pride, help me to seek your will, to desire you above all else.